Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Ordering Pizza in 2008

Many of you may remember this joke that circulated the internet in 2005. I came across it this morning and today it seems to be more prophetic than funny.

Ordering Pizza in 2008

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national
ID number?"

Customer: "Hi, I'd like to place an order."

Operator: "I must have your NIDN first, sir?"

Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's

Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland
Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at
Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Email
is Which number are you calling from, sir?"

Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?"

Operator: "We're wired into the HSS, sir."

Customer: "The HSS, what is that?"

Operator: "We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This
will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time"

Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your
All-Meat Special pizzas."

Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."

Customer: "Whaddya mean?"

Operator: "Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate
that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high
cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an
unhealthy choice."

Customer: "What?!?! What do you recommend, then?"

Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll
like it."

Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"

Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your
local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."

Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones,

Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four
kids,and your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is

Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit
card balance is over its limit."

Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your
driver gets here."

Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's
overdrawn also."

Customer: "Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash
ready. How long will it take?"

Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about
45 minutes,sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up
while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a
motorcycle can be a little awkward."

Customer: "Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?"

Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so
your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled
the tank yesterday"

Customer: Well I'll be a "@#%/$@&?#!"

Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got
a July 4, 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see
here on September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a
judge." "Oh yes I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay
in the State Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since
your return to society?

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"

Customer: "Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke".

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents
us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution
prohibits this. Thank you for calling Pizza Hut!"

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