Sunday Funnies: America's Team and America's Politics

Cowboys Stadium photo courtesy of Wikipedia

My friend Bob knows that for most of my adult life (pre Barry Switzer)  I was a devoted Dallas Cowboys fan.  So when the opportunity presents,  he simply cannot resist sharing the most recent jokes about "America's Team."   Friday he sent me these gems. 

The Texas State Police are cracking down on speeders heading into Dallas.  For the first offense, they give you 2 Dallas Cowboy tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Dallas Cowboys

Q. What do the Dallas Cowboys and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ!"

Q. How do you keep a Dallas Cowboy out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal post.

Q. What do you call a Dallas Cowboy with a Super Bowl Ring?
A. Old.

Q. What's the difference between the Dallas Cowboys and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A. Nobody remembers.

Q. What do the Cowboys and possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Don't blame me I didn't write these.

And now for a little political humor


Cashocracy by Mark Fiore
 

The moral of these two stories is:  Money can buy elections but it still can't buy a Super Bowl.  

heehee.

Pew...What's That Smell?

photo courtesy of PoliticalCartoons.com


This picture pretty much sums up this day in Congress.

Despite the Burris media circus there really are a few people in Congress who want to get things done.


In the following video, the staff of the Congressional blog "The Hill" asks a few members of Congress to share their top priorities for 2009.

It's Like Watching A Pitbull Trying to Survive in the Wild

Unless you have no media access or you're dead you've now heard something about Sarah Palin's interview with Katie Couric. Well, let me say right now that it's time to stop this form of inhumane torture of both the American people and Sarah Palin.

Despite the fact that she brought this criticism on herself by her "the media is picking on me", "hockey moms and pit bulls", and condescending "community organizer" comments I just can't stand to keep watching this pitbull puppy being torn apart by the wolf pack.

Watching Sarah Palin over the past week has been like watching an episode of "Wild Kingdom". I always close my eyes when the lions close in on the wildebeast or the wolves close in on the baby moose.

Yes, the wolves have an axe to grind (the moose too) with Sarah Palin. And yes, the wolves have every right to line her up in their sights and take any shot they can. But do we all have to watch this.

Where's PETA?

A pit bull may be one fierce animal in its own backyard but out in the wild against a wolf pack it just isn't prepared.

Forget freeing Sarah Palin. Will someone please place her back in her own yard.

Please

This is just too cruel for everyone concerned.

A Strange Thought to End A Strange Day

After watching Katie Couric's interview with Sarah Palin I had a very strange thought.

What if the friends of George and Dick within the GOP used their remaining influence with the RNC to force John McCain to choose Sarah Palin as a running mate?

Could they be that cruel?

LOL

I told you that it was a strange thought?

Sweet Dreams

Bullwinkle Newsflash

Thanks Lee.

And just when we were getting over Mike Huckabee's confession about frying squirrel in a popcorn popper ... Now Bullwinkle :-(

Can you believe the audacity?! Is no one safe???!!!

What’s next???!! Or who??!!!



Sad Sad news- I’m outta here!!



This is by far the best email of the week. Thanks to the creator of this great cartoon.

No copyright infringement intended.

An Email to Santa from An Anguished American

photo courtesy of Corbis.com

Dear Santa,

I hope that this message is not intercepted before you receive it.

Please forgive me for not writing for such a long time but you were so very nice to me as a child that I thought it was somebody else's turn.

Today as I was watching the Senate debate over the FISA admendment which would grant retroactive immunity to the telecom companies that spied on US citizens on C-SPAN and I just knew that I had to write you quickly.

I know that you keep a list of who's been naughty and nice and between you and I there aren't very many nice people working in Washington, DC these days. I can't argue that most of them deserve a truck load of coal dumped right down their chimneys.

But Santa please send something extra nice to Senators Chris Dodd, Russ Feingold, Patrick Leahy and Jim Webb. They've worked extra hard this year and been really nice. If I recall they were always there for the really important votes and truly tried to do the right thing.

I've got to go now but will write more later.

Hugs,

Pamela

P.S. Senator Arlen Specter was also nice most of the time.

You Can Build It But They Still Won't Come

Gee, the Bush Administration is building a $600 million embassy in Iraq and the diplomats still don't want to go.

Aren't swimming pools and tennis courts enough?

Just what do these diplomats expect, safety? Haven't they heard that "the surge" is working?

Come on ladies and gentlemen in the State Department, support the troops.

JOIN THEM!

excerpt from:
Diplomats Won't Be Forced to Go to Iraq, for now

The State Department says it hopes to fill foreign service posts with volunteers rather than compelling employees to accept them.

By Paul Richter, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer
November 14, 2007

WASHINGTON -- Top State Department officials, struggling to avoid an embarrassing showdown with their own foreign service, backed away Tuesday from threats to fire diplomats who refuse to accept postings in Iraq.

Trying to calm a furor that has spilled into public view, senior officials extended a deadline and said they won't issue any forced assignments until at least the end of the week. They said that before then they hope to find volunteers for most or all of the 23 unfilled jobs.

Let's hear from Condi on this:

Take Off That Uniform

As reported by David Kurtz of TPM: "President Bush tells Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf to take off his uniform and warns--with a straight face--that you can't be President and head of the military at the same time' "

President George W. Bush walks across the tarmac with NFO Lt. Ryan Phillips to Navy One, an S-3B Viking jet, at Naval Air Station North Island in San Diego Thursday, May 1, 2003. Flying to the USS Abraham Lincoln, the President will address the nation and spend the night aboard ship. White House photo by Susan Sterner

Is Sarkozy Bush's New Best Friend?

Now that Tony Blair is no longer Britain's Prime Minister and Vladimir Putin has seemingly betrayed him with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, will French President Nicolas Sarkozy be George Bush's new best friend?

After all, Sarkozy is handsome, charming, has a wonderful accent, has little tolerance for nosey reporters and agrees with Bush on Iran. Sarkozy probably looks good with his shirt off too! eHarmony couldn't have made a better match.

It's reported that there was a hint of magic in the air along with hugs and looks into each other's eyes during Sarkozy's visit to Le Maison Blanc. Oops, the eyes can be deceiving, can't they? Forget that.

Oh well, at least George has a new friend. So take that Vladimir. You can go play with Mahmoud all you want!

Now if someone could teach them all to play nice.

ABC News reports:

MOUNT VERNON, Virginia (Reuters) - The U.S. and French presidents forged a common front against Iran's nuclear ambitions on Wednesday, signaling a further warming of once-chilly relations between Washington and Paris.

In a sign that diplomatic ties have advanced beyond the era of "freedom fries," President George W. Bush and French President Nicolas Sarkozy agreed to keep the pressure on Tehran, which has defied demands to halt uranium enrichment.

"The idea of Iran having a nuclear weapon is dangerous," Bush said standing shoulder to shoulder with Sarkozy at a news conference in Mount Vernon, the historic estate of George Washington, the first U.S. president.

Sarkozy, who has won U.S. praise for taking a stronger stand against Iran than his predecessor, Jacques Chirac, agreed that a nuclear-armed Iran would be "unacceptable" and said there was "a need to toughen the sanctions" against Tehran

Something Really Scary

This is how they actually think!

Headzup: Blackwater's Back

We have to laugh sometimes to keep from crying. But Blackwater USA is no laughing matter. If you think it's time for them to leave Iraq sign the petition.

The Red State Blues

Music from Art 4 Peace and Justice featuring Denise Lee singing the Blues about living in a Red State

Before You Laugh Too Hard At This ..

Think back to these prophetic gems.


" You don't get everything you want. A dictatorship would be a lot easier... So long as I'm the dictator.

• Responding to the difficulties of governing Texas, "The Taming of Texas," Governing Magazine (July 1998); also cited in Is our Children Learning?: The Case Against George W. Bush (2000) by Paul Begala.)

" There ought to be limits to freedom."

• News conference (May 21, 1999); also quoted in "Satirical Web Site Poses Political Test", Washington Post (November 29, 1999)

" My appointees to the [Texas] board of pardons and paroles reflect my no-nonsense approach to crime and punishment. They believe people who commit crimes against innocent Texans should pay the consequences; they believe sentences imposed by juries should be carried out."

• From: "George W. Bush on Crime", OnTheIssues, attributed to "A Charge to Keep", p.151-152. Dec 9, 1999.

" Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do it, that's trustworthiness."

• CNN Online Chat (August 30, 2000)

" This is an impressive crowd — the haves and the have-mores. Some people call you the elites; I call you my base."

• Speech at the Al Smith Dinner for charity (October 20, 2000), as quoted in "Bush And Gore Do New York" (CBS) (October 20, 2000); also in Michael Moore's Fahrenhe

" I told all four [congressional leaders] that I felt like this election happened for a reason; that it pointed out — the delay in the outcome should make it clear to all of us — that we can come together to heal whatever wounds may exist, whatever residuals there may be. And I really look forward to the opportunity. I hope they've got my sense of optimism about the possible, and enthusiasm about the job. I told all four that there are going to be some times where we don't agree with each other, but that's okay. If this were a dictatorship, it would be a heck of a lot easier... [Bush chuckles, audience laughs] ...just so long as I'm the dictator [more laughter]."

• Online NewsHour interview, Washington, DC, (December 18, 2000)' during his first trip to Washington as President-elect. The last sentence is also included in Fahrenheit 9/11.

Remember - You Have Been Warned!

We liberals are just SO Unfair

I simply could not resist this.

Summer Vacation

I hope the you're enjoying yours.

The Jon & Joe Show

Jon Stewart interviews Joe Biden on The Daily Show

"Pickling The Poor"

a political cartoon by Mark Fiore



This look at the FEMA toxic trailer situation may make you laugh until you cry ... then get mad and demand that FEMA is finally held accountable.

http://www.markfiore.com/animation/pickling.html




for more information visit:


Heckuva Job, FEMA! (or Toxic Tin Cans, Pt. 3)

FEMA Knew of Toxic Gas Trailers

AlterNet: Blogs: PEEK: FEMA Administrator Forced to Appear Before Congress

Grilling FEMA Over Its Toxic Trailers

A Little Political Humor

... and no I am not making this up.

First, the National Intelligence Estimate has concluded that Al Qaeda still doesn't like us.

and that Al Qaeda may be hiding in Pakistan.












and if that's not enough --


Republicans call for reprimand of Ellison - By Klaus Marre


Two House Republicans Tuesday called on Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) to reprimand Rep. Keith Ellison (D-Minn.) for reportedly drawing a comparison between President Bush and Adolf Hitler.

"We call on you to swiftly and immediately reprimand Rep. Ellison for his flagrant and irresponsible comparison," Reps. Zach Wamp (R-Tenn.) and Eric Cantor (R-Va.) wrote in a letter to Pelosi. "These comments inflame hatred and division at a time when we should be promoting our unity and reconciliation."



Now if you don't see the humor in this I'm sure that Karl Rove does. After all, the GOP has called anyone that doesn't agree with their policies every name under the sun. And let's not forget their poster girl Ann C. Of course Zach Wamp probably had a rough childhood so he probably doesn't find anything funny.

plk

cartoons courtesy of politicalcartoons.com

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