Tuesday, May 2, 2006

Doodlings, Jokes & Thoughts that make you go .. hmmm from David Tait

If your faith doesn't make you smile and lighten your heart, it's time to rethink it.  plk 
For Sale Items - Jerusalem Times AD30

10. For Sale: Used Tomb. Good location! Like new! No longer occupied!

9. For Sale: Temple Curtain. Subdivided by owner. (Mat. 27:51)

8. For Sale: Used Wrap Collection. Excellent condition. You can have it for a song!

7. For Sale: Large selection of sackcloth (mourning clothes)--men's and women's, various sizes and styles. No longer needed.

6. Looking For Work: Two former guards. Willing to lie for right price. No Cemeteries! (Mat 28:11-15)

5. Companions Wanted: Long-term relationships desired. I am dying to meet you!--JC

4. Lost Item: One body lost. Big Reward for its return!--the Sanhedrin.

3. Personal to Mr. S: nah-nah, nah-nah, nah, nah--you lose!

2. Personal to JC: Well-done, Son! You da man!--Dad

And the number one classified to appear in the Jerusalem Times that First Easter is:

1. For sale: One Cross. Well used! Priceless! Best offer!
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No Room
A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trapdoor and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through.

The play was well received.

When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck.

No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony
jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"
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A man fell into a pit and couldn't get himself out.

A subjective person came along and said, "I feel for you down there."

An objective person walked by and said, "It's logical that someone would fall down there."

A Pharisee said, "Only bad people fall into pits."

A mathematician calculated how deep the pit was.

A news reporter wanted the exclusive story on the pit.

An IRS agent asked if he was paying taxes on the pit.

A self-pitying person said, "You haven't seen anything until you've seen my pit."

A fire-and-brimstone preacher said, "You deserve your pit."

A Christian Scientist observed, "The pit is just in your mind."

A psychologist noted, "Your mother and father are to blame for your being in that pit."

A self-esteem therapist said, "Believe in yourself and you can get out of that pit."

An optimist said, "Things could be worse."

A pessimist claimed, "Things will get worse."

"Jesus, seeing the man, took him by the hand and lifted him out of the pit."
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General Enquiries and Comments: laugh@wwj.org.nz


!!!!!!! The best way to get even is to forget..

!!!!!! Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death...

!!!!! God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts...

!!!! Some folks wear their halos much too tight...

!!! Some marriages are made in heaven, but they ALL have to be maintained on earth.

!! Unless you can create the WHOLE universe in 5 or 6 days, then perhaps giving "advice" to God, isn't such a good idea!

!! Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up...



1052. Today's revelation becomes tomorrow's religion.

1053. One dose of God is worth more than a billion of religion!

1054. When mankind cannot accept God's revelation, they adapt it to become religion.

1055. The cost of God's kingdom is obedience, religion's, money. Most of us take the easy option!

1056. Religion goes as God's kingdom grows.

1057. Revelation tells us God's kingdom is available now, while religion places itself in the now, with the kingdom to be found in the future.

1058. Religion may well be the opiate of the masses, but God's kingdom is possessed by the godly, right now!

1059. Religion comes and religion goes, but God's kingdom goes on forever.

1060. God's kingdom now isn't freely given, but possessed through godly obedience.

1061. God reveals, while religion conceals.

1062. Religion is not a church but a mind closed to change.

Please feel free to quote these quotes. Acknowledgement of David Tait as the author would be appreciated. There are now over 1200 David sayings for you to view at ...
WALKING WITH JESUS MINISTRIES is a non-profit, non-denominational, Bible based ministry located in Hastings, New Zealand. A ministry dedicated to developing discipleship, fostering unity amongst God’s people to achieve the Great Commission, and in doing so, preparing for Christ’s return. It is securely based upon the foundational principles of the Apostles Creed while recognising the wide and rich diversity of beliefs amongst Christians in other areas. In accordance with the Lord’s direction, materials produced by the ministry are available, free of charge, to genuine enquirers upon request. The ministry is solely funded by donations, as the Lord provides. A list of materials available (plus some fun!) is obtainable and freely downloadable from our website
wwj.org.nz or by contacting us as follows.

Walking With Jesus Ministries
290 Flaxmere Avenue
New Zealand

Phone: (06) 8799 911 International (+64) 6 8799 911
Web: wwj.org.nz

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